Monday, February 13, 2012

the vow

Regaining control. I've been under a LOT of work stress the past few months. Have worked long hours, sacrificed time with family/friends/fitness/sleep, with very little reward. Don't get me wrong, my managers are very pleased and offer praise. I've put in many hours and feel good about my accomplishments. But I am a government employee and there are some citizens that are on a vendetta. No matter what good I do, a few will continue to berate me and my fellow co-workers. I recently took a stand in an email and said that one person's bullying tactics wouldn't work on me. I let the chaos of a few direct my energy. I awoke at 3:30 a.m. this morning (and many others), insanely stressed, and couldn't go back to sleep. I wallowed in the stress for an hour or so and then forced my mind to focus on something zen-like.

My daughter climbed into my bed at some point during the night so I first focused on her sweetness. I then looked at Facebook and observed the new photo-shoots of my favorite pro-athlete/friend as he begins training camp. I reflected upon our last conversation a few days ago. I make a conscious decision to make him my rock in this chaos of my current life. He is so far removed and pulled me through many challenges last year. He is the pentacle, but others will make up the foundation, which include the amazing guy that I'm currently dating, my daughter, Angela, Carter, Terri, and my other close friends/co-workers.

I have an App on my iPhone for zen motivational quotes. The quote for today was "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who reconginized a problem and turn it into an opportunity." (Joseph Sugarman). This can be interpretted in so many different ways. But I chose today to turn this problem into an opportunity to redirect my energy to the people that are supportive, rather than caustic.

I saw the movie "The Vow" with a close friend today. I connected emotionally on so many different levels. The theme was impact. The instant attraction/connection they had brought one person to the forefront of my mind. The mother's "choice" to stay with her husband that had an affair reminded me of a very painful part of my life. The music by The Cure at the end brought back a spectrum of memories that the prior ones had already hit on. The entire movie brought back memories from different time frames of my life; all that have shaped me into who I am today. Some were painful, some were ecstatic, but all were reaffirming about what truly matters.

I typically focus my blog posts on running-related topics, so I'll close with this. Groundhog day 12 runstreak complete :)

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