Monday, September 3, 2012

the big picture

I wuv U!
Thru the hearts of teens.. I haven't blogged in many months. I lost my running mojo when I was startled into reality and had to be a much more attentive mom. Which meant.. less time to run guilt/worry-free.. In the spring, my 13 year old daughter fell for a guy that was sweet and kind, but too many years older. His parents didn't approve.. Then I didn't approve when they were sneaking around to see each other. One lie too many caused parents to intervene and then it ended..

A few weeks later she met the guy of my dreams for her. I didn't know it at that moment, but within a week or so it was apparent. He is intelligent, athletic, ambitious, kind, honest, polite, a gentleman, opens doors for her, adored her, has great parents.. They were inseparable until.. school started.. they attend different schools.. he broke up with her because they wouldn't be able to see each other as often anymore.. Her heart was crushed. She didn't understand.. She thought they were going to marry and live happily ever after.

Within days she attached to the next boy that was attentive. I immediately didn't approve.. It's way too soon.. and this new boy was another girl's boyfriend. She said they were only friends, but as soon as his girlfriend broke up with him, my daughter thought it was ok to be his next girlfriend. I've heard bad things about this boy regarding smoking, drugs and gangs. She denies it all.. She's been secretive and sneaky, and after reading her after-hours Facebook chat with him about him being in a gang and how he got his nickname, I am truly appalled and adamant that he not be a part of her life. She says I'm being overprotective and irrational and don't know him and it's not true.. She says I'm not looking at the big picture because I've grounded her and forbidden her to interact with him. What she doesn't realize, is that I AM looking at the big picture.. It's just that she's blinded by his wooing and can't see the big picture herself.

It's been a tough 6 months with issues regarding her and her dad and boys.. Her spending less time with her dad and me feeling like I need to be hypervigilent and omnipresent, equates to little running. The past few days have been challenging with her.. We've had long talks and she has been quick to point out my faults.. she wants to please me but says I'm never happy anymore.. I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep with this weighing heavy on my mind. She's right.. I haven't been happy in a while.. I've been stressed with work, her, bills, pets, boyfriend-that-deserves-more-than-I-can-give, and a close friend moved away. Life is full of challenges.. It always has been..

But I used to be happier.. What has changed? I haven't been logging the miles that in the past has kept me sane. So I decided to start yet another run streak on 8/27. I'm doing it the smart way and kept the first week to 1 mile per day with slightly farther on Sunday. 7 day run streak = 7.48 miles. This low of mileage isn't helping much with keeping the sanity in check, but is helping to develop an injury-free habit. I'll slowly increase the mileage and eventually regain the fitness and sanity that I've lost. The summer of 2011 included high mileage and lots of smiles. I look forward to returning to my happy place.

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